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A Bird Pooped On My Breasts

You can’t believe this right? Neither can I. It happened to me though, for real. It was unbelievable. I know birds have a thing for pooping on cars, but not humans!! Even if they decided to poop on humans, they could poop on the head, back, legs, anywhere but my boobies.

That fateful morning, I had struggled with picking the clothes I wanted to wear. Should I look ‘super hawt’? Or should I dress like I rarely do, like the religious folks? I was really having a check in my spirit that day versus how I will naturally have just picked my choice and gone out of the house.

I always reveled in showing what God gave me, I mean my shape and the figure he gave me. What ‘temple of God’ doesn’t do adverts for people to know that they exist? My body is another temple and I just had to let people know that I carry something. I had gotten so used to flaunting my body parts, I derived joy in watching men stop or take second and third glances when I passed by.

Nothing delighted me more than my precious breasts, my best asset, big and enticing. I really don’t know how I am meant to keep something this big and appealing under clothing. My body needs to breathe, let people say what they want, that was my belief.

Talking about people, I had learnt to totally ignore them. I had gone through different types of talks with many women, especially the ‘oldies’, those women from the older generation. There was nothing I hadn’t heard..

“My sister, this thing you are showing many men, will lead them to sin, and you will be the vessel that the devil used.” (Imagine her calling my breast a thing! I think she forgot to look at her own chest.)

“Why do you dress like a prostitute? I have been watching you for a while now and I have seen that you don’t have any good or godly dresses, you claim to be a Christian?” (Excuse me, God knows my heart, please don’t judge me.)

“When I interact with you my dear sister, I can clearly see that you are a woman of value and knowledge. It is this your dressing that I can’t understand, to me it reduces your value.” (Well gold is gold in whatever package it comes.)

“I have been like you once before, when I was much younger, I had so many men at my beck and call. I thought they loved me, most of them just ended up going for my body. When they got all they wanted, they left me. I’m fortunate to have found something real with my husband. He loves me for who I am now. Don’t be like the former me, be wiser.” (At least this one knows how to talk, well, I’ll think about it.)

I left the church I was in, for another one that wasn’t as strict and rigid. You just want to go to church and worship God, until you realize it is you these church members are looking at and not God. I know that look when people judge you and tell themselves you are going to hell.

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That church was full of people with that look. I mean even if I was a sinner looking for a saviour, this people couldn’t have led me to Christ. The Pastor too wouldn’t even try, during his preaching, it’s my area he’ll be looking at. I don’t know what I have that his wife doesn’t have. All these married housewives were thinking I was in church to snatch their husbands. I had no time for such.

A day before this poop saga, I met a highly respected man. I won’t tell you his name because you know him. We met at a friend’s dinner party. I knew I was going to be meeting dignitaries, so I wore my new red Louis Vuitton gown I got from Italy, with my Gucci clutch bag and silver heels. Let’s not talk about my jewelry, you’ll just want to rob me. My makeup was on the fleek, with my perfectly shaped eyebrows and my well perfumed breath. (Many young ladies these days, face their makeup diligently, and their breath smells like crap. That’s none of my business though)

So I was ushered to a seat with this man, and we got talking. I could notice his eyes size me up, as he took those glaring glances at my body. This was why this Louis Vuitton gown was my favorite, the designer had my figure in his mind while designing it. I saw this handsome married man sweat inside the hall cooled with the air conditioner because of me. Sometimes it was the scent of my perfume that caught him off guard. I laughed in my mind at this man, he was really a man just like any other. We had a wonderful conversation during the dinner, I personally had a good time.

At the end of the dinner, he insisted on seeing me off to my car. When we got to my car he came really close to me, like he wanted to kiss me, he then whispered into my ears and said “I think I like you. I have never made a request like this before, but I want you.

I was like “Huh!

He continued and said “With the little time we have had, I am convinced that I am willing to take a quickie outside my marital bed for your sake. You present an adventure I have been missing. I’ll call you!

I stood there shocked, and watched him walk away. My car door stayed open, but I couldn’t enter. What sort of situation did I get myself into? As I got into my car, I could feel my legs shake as they touched the pedals. I drove very slowly as I headed home, I was totally sober and I regretted coming for this party. So I was the one a married man was willing to climb out of his marital bed to sleep with? What had I become? A sex tool?

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I thought and reflected on the night’s event while I turned on my bed, I couldn’t sleep. I asked myself about why this man will see me as someone he wanted to sleep with, and was not ashamed of letting me know. We barely stayed together for 2 hours and he now wants to get into my pants.

I soon realized it was all my fault. It all began from my dressing. Why on earth will a man judge me like that, if it wasn’t for my clothing? If I was well covered up, he’ll have seen me for who I am and not for what my body carries, at least for starters. I carefully said a prayer that night: “God, if this is you speaking to me about a change in my way of dressing, let me know.” I felt the tears drop down my cheeks as I slept off. This was a new version to me.

Here I was the next morning, finding it hard to choose the right piece of clothing. Should I cover it all up (which is very much unlike me), or should I go on with my normal style? Normal style it is. I shouldn’t let yesterdays event shoot me down. It was a TM Lewin shirt this time, I dropped down 3 buttons, I didn’t even need push up bras at all, this asset had ‘Discovery Channel’ without a decoder on it . I then put on a skirt above my knees.

Off I went. I was going out with my friends after a few hours at my office, so I needed to look sharp. If Mr Popular from yesterday night tried to call me, I was simply going to ignore it.

My friends called me that we were going to a golf course, to try to improve on our golf skills. We were really pathetic at this game, but we had a lot of fun. Seven of us crammed into the space bus and chatted all the way there. We were really excited. How many friends get to hang out with their friends like we got to? Very few! We paid the ticket fee at the parking lot and we walked towards the green course. I loved the scent of the recently mowed grass, it brought back memories of when I was a kid.

From afar we could see the heads of men turning in our direction, they couldn’t resist what they saw. You needed to see our formation as we walked, we just copied the exact way all these celebrities walked in the movies. We all had that moment where it seemed that all our steps rhymed, one after the other. It was perfect!

In that very moment, I felt it. It was soft, liquid, and warm, right there on my breasts. I thought it was a stray sun ray attacking me or giving me warmth. Until I felt it even more, it was increasing and getting warmer. By the time I took a look down, my revealed breasts were already covered with whitish and brown poo. As I looked to the heavens, I didn’t see God. I saw many birds taking flight as a result of the mowing taking place on the golf course.

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My friends laughed at me hysterically, because I was the only one that got stained like that. Even though we all walked closely together, none of them even had a spot of birds poop. I had to take my leave immediately.

As I took my time to clean up, with my nose covered, I questioned myself. “Why me? What did these birds have to do with me?” I guess you know the answer already; it was the sign from God that I earlier asked for.

If I couldn’t hear God’s response clearly enough on my own, this sign was more than enough.

Now though, I have been questioned over and over again, why I have become a conservative dresser. I have been mocked by those who always praised and complimented my former way of dressing. I’m living a more peaceable life now, away from all the necessary stares from random people I don’t know.

I must admit, it wasn’t an easy choice at all. I have had to watch my friends come over to pick out my most special clothes, many were brand new as well. That’s the cost of change right? Something has to be let go of.

I have decided to let go of careless and revealing dressing; it’s that important. I have decided to lead no one astray anymore. If they need the route to sin, I won’t be the one pointing them to how, or be the route that they want to pass through. I would be more responsible, I’ll dress just like the queen I am.

But for how long will I continue dressing like this? Maybe it’ll last for a short while and then I’ll stop, or maybe, just maybe I’ll just keep it up and not stop. I’ll see how it goes…

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Thanks for reading.

(P.S – This story is fictional, and reality based. If you can relate with it, then it gladdens my heart)

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Victory Odunjo

I'm a people person that simply wants to add value, and inspire others..

9 thoughts on “A Bird Pooped On My Breasts”

  1. Ah….brings memories….I remember when I ws young and I ws told not to go and play but I had other ideas so I went ahead!being the young adventurer that I was, I decided to go hunting for grasshoppers on the field close by…I never knew that God had sent a messenger before me to remind me that its good to obey your parents…..and yes while I ws hunting…I didn’t know that a guest had entered my pants and began working its way up to the most holy place! Don’t know what kind of samurai or ninja it was cos I didn’t feel it climbing up….when it delivered the message…..the saying that ‘I will destroy this temple and rebuild it in 3 days had new meaning to me…yep…a soldier ant went to my temple and I felt its impact for 3 days….nature sure has a way of giving lectures! Nice one victory! Brought memories!

    1. Hahahaha.. Taiwo, this is hilarious! I can totally relate to the feeling. Those guests send silent messages that speak to the mind directly and cause an immediate change. I’m excited that you can relate with this.

  2. Victory, you are blessed for this!..When I first saw the name of the title, am like ‘Has Victory Odunjo gone bonkers??..lol..but having such a beautiful article like this written, in this style to pass across such an inspiring and enlightening message like this is genius!! Thank you for the reminder on putting ourselves together in decency as ladies…

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