There’s two sides to every story. Especially in marriage.
I get home from work. NaijaWife is still not home. I’ve had dinner at work, but feel like munching something anyway so I head to the fridge. I find some rice and stew and finish it off. I turn on the TV for a bit. The action show that I like (the one Naijawife hates) is on. I fall asleep.
I awaken briefly. It looks like I’m in bed but I do not know how I made it in there. Naijawife is beside me quietly sleeping. There is a sharp pain in my side. I do not know why. I roll over and go back to sleep.
7 AM Saturday morning
I wake up and kiss my sleeping wife on the cheek. The room is ice cold. My hand hurts for some odd reason. I head to the gym.
I get back and check on Naijawife. She is still sleeping. This woman likes sleep sha.
I call Naijahusband to let him know I’ll be late getting home. I’m rushing as fast as I can to get home and quell the rumbling, gnawing hunger in my stomach. I haven’t had any dinner or lunch…or breakfast for that matter, but I’m looking forward to the leftover rice in the fridge. I text him to ask if he’s eaten already. He replies “Yup“. NH doesn’t normally like rice so I know the food will be all mine to enjoy.
I finally get home from work, drop all my load at the door and rush to the fridge. I open the fridge door and my stomach makes another joyful noise for the food it is about to receive. I pull out the rice bowl and find….it’s empty. I pull out the stew bowl. Same thing.
I hear a loud snoring noise coming from the sitting room. I find Naijahusband sprawled out on the sofa with the TV blaring. He is fast asleep. The plate of stolen rice is right in front of him.
How he really fell asleep
How he really fell asleep
I console myself with Jacob’s crackers.
My stomach growls in angry protest.
I grab the plates from the stool in front of him and head over to the sink. The sink is full of the dishes he’d promised to help me with. I spend the next 20 minutes washing up. There’s also food spilled on the counter where he’d helped himself. I wipe it down and decide to clean the cooker while I’m at it.
Naijahusband is still sleeping on the sofa. I know he’ll wake up sore if he stays there much longer. I nudge him to wake him up. He does not respond. I try to tease him up, but he’s deep in REM at this point. Finally, I realize I need to turn the television off. I switch it off and try nudging him again. He’s still sleepy but stands up. I slide his remaining clothes off, annoyed that he has not had a bath. I pull him to the bedroom. He falls into bed.
I go back to the sitting room and clean up some more.
I finally land in bed. After a long shower of course. I’m tired and hungry and peeved. Yet Naijahusband sleeps on, blissfully unaware. He has wrapped himself completely in the cover cloth. I try to wrestle it back from him, using my favorite “elbow in the ribs” tactics. He starts to rustle so I quickly shut my eyes pretending to be asleep. He rolls over and goes back to sleep, grabbing the cover cloth with him.
I try once more to wrestle the cloth back from him, this time I’m successful.
1 AM Saturday Morning
Naijahusband starts to talk in his sleep. “Naijawife?” He says.
I respond thinking he’s really speaking to me. “Yes dear?”
“Aren’t you hot“? he asks.
I get up and turn on the fan. I slide back into bed.
He speaks again
*Sigh* “Yes dear?” I respond.
“I think you’re really hot. You’re so beautiful.”
I get up again and turn off the fan. Slide back into bed.
Naijahusband is having a nightmare. He starts to flail about. I’m guessing he’s been watching one of those action flicks he likes. This is why I hate when he watches them. One hand comes dangerously close to my face. I smack it away. Probably a bit too hard. At this point he has snatched all the covers again and is occupying most of the bed space. I try holding him but soon give up and huddle in my corner of the bed, hoping his nightmare passes soon.
I just can’t win with Naijahusband.
I just can’t win with Naijahusband.
Naijahusband nudges me.
“WHAT?! ” I ask. Won’t this man let me sleep?!
“Turn on the AC abeg.” He mumbles.
I stand up and turn on the AC. He still has all the covers. I shiver in my corner of the bed. Sleep refuses to come.
Naijahusband’s phone alarm starts ringing loudly…his phone is in the sitting room. He doesn’t move an inch.
I get up and walk to the sitting room to turn it off. Isn’t it enough that he ate all the food and has been disturbing me in bed all night? Now he sets an alarm and leaves it in another room as well? For 5 am?! I throw the phone against the wall.
Feeling guilty, I walk back to the phone and pick it up. The alarm flashes across the screen of the phone. He’d saved a note with the alarm. It says “Get up and make breakfast for the wife by 7.”
I place the phone on the table by his side of the bed.
I can hardly sleep. Eager to see the breakfast he has prepared for me, my stomach starts growling again, remembering its lack of dinner last night. He finally wakes up and I pretend to be asleep. He kisses me on the cheek and walks out of the room. I listen for the sound of him moving around the kitchen. I hear nothing. I wait a few minutes. I still hear nothing.
Still nothing from the kitchen. What happened to my breakfast? Naijahusband is nowhere to be found. I call his phone.
He picks up. “Hey babe. I’m at the gym.”
I hang up.
He texts me “What is vexing you so early in the morning that you’d hang up?”
I ignore the text.
He texts me again. “Have you made breakfast yet? I’m starving…”
I turn my phone off and finally…fall sleep.
WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON? DROP US A NOTE
Lol. He Said – She Said is one interesting article from www.naijahusband.com. One of my favorite blogs, you should check out their website on their true experiences as a married couple. They call each other Naijahusband (NH) & Naijawife (NW) They never disappoint.
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