MarriageVictory Odunjo

Parents, Don’t Help Your Child Marry The Wrong Spouse

It’s well known that most parents want the best for their children. They see these little kids as a great investment that requires all their time, energy, and resources. The beauty of parenting is watching your kids grow taller, wiser and more independent as the days go by. There is nothing as priceless as seeing that little kid that you carried in your hands, was relying on you for help, now getting things done and having a personal understanding of life.

An interesting phase that many parents can’t wait to see, is the phase where their kids get to start their own families, and of course give birth to the eagerly awaited grandchildren. This particular phase generally comes with a double side effect. First is the joy of the phase coming into being, while the second is the fear related to one’s child making that choice.

It was popular in times of old that arranged marriages were the order of the day. It may surprise you to know that even in our days, many marriages are still being arranged for singles. Why? Because there is a sense of control that parents want to have in the lives of their kids. I have personally seen many unhappy couples that were ‘forced’ to get married by their parents. The question one asks is “Why did you marry someone you don’t love or care about?” The popular answer is “I married the person out of pity”, “My parents have done so much for me, how do I disobey them for the most important decision of my life”, or “I just want to see my parents happy”

As I always say “Don’t let anyone choose a partner for you, they will not be in it with you, only you will.” I think it will be wise at this point to start advising our parents to not try choosing our future partners for us. From intertribal marriages, to marrying from one state, another country  or a particular denomination, we should be left to choose. I am not saying all the possible fears, advice or thoughts of our parents or guardians are wrong, in fact many of them see far more clearer than we do. What should their part then be?

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Guidance is the answer, teaching is the answer. This part is not just one that the parent appears when it’s time for the marriage and then they try to work some magic. It is a process that should have begun a long time before then. From when the child is starting to mature, parents should begin teaching their kids about these things according to the child’s level of understanding. As the child reaches towards the more mature point where marriage is going to set in, only reminders and advice should be mentioned. But the issue in our time today is that a crash course is suddenly brought up for the child, and then with some manoeuvering, the child is forced into making a choice not his or her own.

I believe at this point, it is evident enough that in our generation marriages are breaking like soft biscuits. In fact, courtships are lasting even longer than the marriages. We need help and guidance, it’s time for you dear parent or guardian to sit that child down and begin to do some education. Stop giving the excuse that it is not yet time, or else the internet and TV could teach your child a twisted version of what they could have easily learnt from you. Be ready to be supportive and very prayerful for your child, but let the ‘by force’ ploy stop.

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The most popular scheme going on now with parents is the “Give me the name of four men or women you are interested in and let me give them to my prophets for you.” One wise lady ended up giving her mother the first four names of the only guy she was interested in. The prophet chose one of the guy’s names and said she should get married to that name, that the remaining 3 will leave her in marriage.. Lol.

Some people get married without a single conviction and conversation with God concerning their marriage and their hope is “My mother gave my spouses name to 10 prophets and they said she is the one.” What happened to personally finding out from God first and then seeking confirmations? As much as finding out is good, total reliance should not be put on prophets by parents as regarding their children’s marriage. There are other things that count in marriage that will sustain it.

Parents, it was your desire when your child was young that they should mature and make their own decisions. Getting married to a spouse of their choice is one of those decisions, and it’s an important one at that. We don’t want marriages patched here and there because of the faulty foundation. If they make mistakes, let them know they made it not because of you, or they’ll have you to blame forever. We know you love them is why you are trying to keep them safe, but you should love them enough to show that you believe they can make the right choice.

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And for the singles, it’s all in your hands now. Some of you can be really gullible, and really impatient. You don’t like advice from the wise and aged, you prefer to be blinded on every level from seeing the truth. You stay high on a crush, and an infatuation, and yet watch true love pass by. Marriage is the ‘Cloud 9’ remover,  the reality giver, and truthful slap distributor.

You either get it right the first time, or be wrong and keep paying for your mistakes. If the rate of divorce is rising so quickly, and marriages are lasting for lesser periods of time, what are you doing differently to ensure it’s not going to happen to you? Your answer to that question should determine your course of action. It’s better to bear your cross, and not hang it on anyone’s neck. If you fail, know you failed, and if you succeed, know you succeeded.

It is wise to note that there are still many marriages doing excellently well in our world today, it’ll be great if you could have yours too as a leading light for others to follow.

I wish you the very best.


Thanks for reading.

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Twitter: @victoryodunjo

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Victory Odunjo

I'm a people person that simply wants to add value, and inspire others..

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