LifeLove

Tempted: Clash Of Identity

I had known Tunde for almost a decade now. The clear difference socially between Tunde and I is that he knows how to pull the ladies to his side without breaking a sweat. We were both cute, a compliment that rang into the air between his female friends like an anthem that is loyally recited by a stadium packed crowd. He had always had that thing whereby he knew what to say and ladies, as we know it, love confident guys. You don’t have to say the perfect words or wear the perfect cloth, but have the confident smile and a good conversation starter, he would always tell me seldom as though it was a memory verse to be learned by a classroom of student taught by a threatening teacher.

We were so close that one would think the uncommon of us. We would go to the movies together on occasions when he wasn’t with his female fans. It starts off as two of us, but ends up as a legion of ladies and a guy with his chaperone. On one faithful day, we were out grabbing a bite and voila, this really beautiful lady walked passed. I couldn’t help staring. It was as obvious as though a helpless monkey had just seen its death walk past. I was soon brought back to consciousness by a tap from Tunde. She’s an eye candy, isn’t she? Tunde smirkingly asked.

Still in the process of getting my balance after beholding such a beauty that made me breathless, with a lack of confidence in trying to deny staring and feigning pretense, stuttering like a cracked CD on repeat, I ignored his question. Tunde tapped me again and with such annoying gusto and pathetic confidence with a sheepish smile, I could help you get her bro. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder as I made an attempt to walk away like a defeated warrior in a traditional contest. Her name is Gold, he retorted in a bid to make me stay. And so? I asked. If you want to see her and have a talk, I’ll make an arrangement for you, he said with that same annoying but undeniable confidence……which I felt I never had.

A reoccurring repellant that made the ladies avoid me most times was the fact that Tunde always called me Pastor, in the midst of his female friends…..which brought a careful and intentional resistance from them towards me as though they had seen a walking dead approaching them. They always left hastily. Tunde had always been a churchgoer and he brags to me sometimes about his body count. At such instances, he would start from Nancy and down to Gloria, I would give him a straightforward look which in some contexts, would translate to the “don’t pollute me” look.

Let’s meet up at the Qubes, an eatery downtown. 7 pm. He left while I stood there like an interested student pretending not to like the class lecture for the sake of his friends. I walked back to the house like a man who had seen one of his fantasies come true and my body temperature increased due to the excitement that felt like fire shut up in my bones. As at 5 pm that evening, I was still rehearsing my lines and killer combos that would make the babe trip and not throw away what’s left of my little self-esteem.

I had to manage in guarding it as a mother hen guards her chicks. I ironed my starched shirt and perused it with my newly acquired blue jeans and my Jumia-Ordered snickers that I had kept for the special day like a lady would keep her sanity for her wedding day. It was 6 pm and I was already warming up to leave the house. I quickly put a call through to Tunde that I’m still down for the plan but he said he would be a bit late but he had dropped a word for me with Gold and that she wouldn’t bite. “Score!!!” I get to have alone time with the babe plus I get to show how much of a man I am. I’m down for this big time.

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For the sake of gusto and everything that shows confidence that I was trying to build, I ordered an Uber. I really wasn’t smiling with this whole thing. This was to be the first date I would ever go for and I was ready to impress. As the Uber arrived, a call came in. I picked up and the voice at the other end went, “Hey cute, I’m waiting up for you, don’t stay too long.” I knew it was Gold because literally her voice sounded like a golden acoustic. I didn’t know what a gold bar would sound like if it ever got to talk but I was satisfied using her voice as a witness to this strange fact. In some 10minutes, I got there and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I got down from the car after having paid off the Uber guy and I couldn’t move.

She came to where I was and hugged me and gave me a peck on the cheek. That was when I knew what floating in space felt like. I couldn’t feel my body. After a few seconds of obscurity, I found my footing and we walked towards the restaurant. There was loud music hitting off and I wasn’t comfortable with it, but I couldn’t even tell what comfort was anymore because Gold’s presence alone was golden. To my shock, it was a night club. She walked right in dragging me along with her. I urged that we sat and spoke for a while which she agreed to but yet moving to the music. I explained to her how that I am a church guy and wasn’t the type that would spend the night at a night club, it just wasn’t my thing. She looked at me, laughed for like two minutes and ask, “OMG!! Are you still a virgin?”

As embarrassed as I was, I couldn’t answer because it felt like the truth would chase her off and I felt I really liked this babe. She laughed again and said, “Would it be a big deal if I kissed you? It would make you feel comfortable. You know I like church boys.” The liking I had for this babe made me throw out the window all my moral standards and just picked up hers. She came closer and kissed me and that was the first time I would kiss a lady. It was the most magical thing ever. She looked at me and said, “Why don’t we go to a more comfortable place, like mine?” Still lost in the frenzy of the moment, she pulled me up and out of the club like a polite, calm and gentle goat being dragged towards the abattoir. She hailed a cab and we got in.

At this point, it felt like my brain began to work again and I began to wonder what was about to happen when we got to her place, of which the answer wasn’t far fetched. I looked at her and she smiled back at me like a man ready to devour a carrot pie. In no much time, we got to her place and trust me, she really had a nice place. It was a one-bedroom flat with a living room and the other rooms. As soon as we got into the house, she jumped on me but was surprised when I didn’t catch what she was throwing. “You’ve got to be kidding me! What kinda person are you? You’re not even half a man! A fool who doesn’t know how to handle a lady?”, she lashed out. I smiled and said, “I’ll take the living room and you can sleep in your bedroom. Good night!” It was already too late at night and I couldn’t find my way back home.

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My phone rang and it was Tunde. “Guy, how far, where you dey?” He asked. I told him I was at Gold’s and he shouted, “Badt guy!! handle the babe well o, na my person.” I ended the call and I took my position in the living room. The time was already 9:38 pm and I was sleepy from too much noise and everything. I closed my eyes almost immediately and slept off. At around 1 am, I felt something moving on my body and as sensitive as my body tends to be, I made an attempt to shrug whatever it was off of me and it was Gold’s hand. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I know you want it as much as I do, stop pretending, it’s just the both of us and we are both adults. Let me help me feel like a man.” These were her responses to my question and it dawned on me that I was in a snake pit and would have to survive through the night.

It was a tussle that night and we struggled for 30minutes. I was on the verge of giving up and letting her have her way when she started crying. I was an inch close to actually giving in. She sobbed for five minutes and began to tell me everything about her life and how she had made mistakes and gotten it wrong all the past years. As bad as I was with consoling a crying lady, I did my best to get her a napkin to dry her tears and for the first time, I saw the Gold that no one knew about. I saw gold in her and I made up my mind to help her as much as I could. We tried getting some sleep and it was daybreak in a jiffy. First thing at sunrise, I took off to my place, still thinking of how I scaled through the night at Gold’s.

I got home that morning, went straight into the shower and God knows that I almost gave in. I had never been in such a situation before and it was my first. I wasn’t sure how to handle it and I guess it took the wrong turn for the bad, or should I say, for the worst. Gold had hinted that she would come to visit me because she had never seen a guy like me pull such stunt before. She came in at around 3 pm and since there was light, we watched a lot of movies and had so much fun. Like a flash, it was already 7 pm. She was herself and it was really dope seeing her feel free, but one thing I never paid attention to was the fact that when the grasses are cut from a piece of land, the weeds don’t just clear off in a day.

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She was going to start heading home when she touched me again in some certain way that made me give this look and she knew what it was about as I saw my morality and home training flying out of the window. My temperature rose as fast as throwing a stone into the air and that night was my first. I gave it up and I wasn’t proud of it. It felt good for the sake of pleasure but it didn’t go down well with me afterward. After the twenty minutes elapsed, she had a lot to say and how I was her best in a long while and I couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened. She picked up her phone and sent a text to someone and went to bed.

I couldn’t sleep that night because I wasn’t myself at all. I stayed on a spot with my eyes opened till daybreak and didn’t sleep. She went to the bathroom to freshen up and I had an inclination to pick up her phone to check what the text was about. I wasn’t a nosy fellow but for some reason, I felt an urge to do so. To my greatest shock, it was a text to Tunde.  The text read, “Angel has fallen.” I had never felt so violated in my entire life. It was all a plan to see how strong my “spirituality” was and I was so pissed. While she was still dressing up, I threw her out of my house and at that point, Tunde walked in. I almost slapped the taste out of his mouth when I had to hold myself. I lashed out at them and told them never to come near me again.

I couldn’t recover from that incident in a while and I lost a friend because I didn’t know who to tell or who to confide in. I didn’t take it well and vowed to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I needed to find myself again and it felt like it would take me forever to do so. I decided not to marry, not because of what happened, but because I lost myself. There was a clash between who I want to be and who I was for twenty minutes, the twenty minutes man won for the most of my life and I had to fight until I found myself again.

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Its been ten years now since the incident and there came a lady by the name Jessica who loved me for all that I am. She would want to love me more despite all my attempts to paint myself as the worst man on earth, she fell in love even more and that overcame me. I spent ten years looking for myself unknown to me that Love was all I wanted to find because, in Love, I see who I’m truly meant to be.

Our wedding invite is ready for circulation, be sure to get yours. Anticipate for #JEEM 2020, because it is a story of a clash but Love always win.

I hope I told your story!

Love conquers all……

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