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You Will Marry Who You Date Closest To Your Wedding

“I love him so much” she says. “I don’t usually use the word love, but with her it comes so freely” he says. Awww.. Love is such a beautiful thing isn’t it? It is fun to see how people in a short span of time grow together to be very close. After a while, they are closely knitted together and then they live happily ever after. It’s so easy.. Ehrrr I don’t think so! Not all the time 🙂 .

I was in a meeting with youths recently, and we were all discussing relationships and then I asked a quick question: “Is there anyone here that hasn’t been in a relationship before?” Silence engulfed the room. So I said “Put your hands up if you’ve not dated anyone before.” No hands went up. I smiled, because I know the path our generation is on. If you are not in a relationship or if you’ve not been in one before, you are surely an outcast. The pressure on you to at least have a peek into what a relationship is like is almost deafening. I still know a couple of people that haven’t been in a relationship yet by choice. But so many people just take the plunge!

A friend of mine once said two interesting things about relationships, generally:

“People not in relationships want to get into relationships, meanwhile those in it want to get out of it”

“You’ll never know how deep a relationship is going to be, if you are not in it. It’s like looking down the deep end of a swimming pool. The bottom seems so close, until you jump into it is when you realize it takes a lot to stay afloat!”

We have seen too many lovely relationships end, even those of our mentors and those who we were being inspired by! Of course, there are many relationships killers and destroyers, some huge, and some subtle. But this post is just about one reason that I have seen over time, that has cost many relationships. I remember seeing one funny photo, the lady said “My ex-boyfriend is getting married in a few weeks time.” Someone replied her and said “Congrats, at least you got to the semifinals” Hahaha! So it’s a competition now, to find out who eventually makes it to the finals. As funny as it may sound, it’s pretty true. The way things are now, people end up dating as many as 8 people before finally settling down with the one they have. Did you notice I said with the one they have? It wasn’t a mistake. Let me explain.

You will marry who you date closest to your wedding, simply because the farther you both are from the reality of the wedding, the less a reality your being together is going to be. Imagine 18 year-olds dating, they want to get married someday. But fast forward to the future, it’s at 28 the guy intends to get married. The possibility of them getting married and spending their lives together is too low. Too many variables and uncertainties have not even played out yet. Things would happen that would put them apart. 10 years is huge!

So at the end of the day, it’s the person that one loves when the time to settle down comes, that one would end up marrying. Regardless of how long you have spent in the relationship, even if its 6 months. The person must be there, when you are ready to walk down the aisle. Some even loved their ex-es more than their spouse, but their spouse were the ones available. Take it or leave it. Love can be built, it can be fed, and it can grow. In this life, there is no guarantee that the person of your fantasy or dreams, is the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

So what should you do with this piece of information? Simple, take it slow, take your time. Estimate your position, what phase are you in? Are you in a relationship with someone already? Check! Is marriage feasible any time soon? Are you in the quarterfinals? Would the person you are with still have one or two more people before marriage? Or you’ll make it to the altar? Yeah I know you are in love with the person, but that’s how you loved the person before this one too, remember? Your relationship has to be time bound, specific and realistic. I’m speaking like this because very few people can steer their relationships for a very long while. I have heard of people who dated for almost 10 years, and are happily married today. Don’t say you are the exception, what if you are not?

“Don’t stay in a relationship that won’t work, would keep you chained, and release you when all the best prospects have passed by.”

People ask, when the right age to start a relationship is. I believe that time shouldn’t be when you are not getting set to be married soon. Don’t keep breaking hearts and grabbing new ones because you can’t just be single. Your being single could just be the best benefit for you and the society. If you’re not ready for marriage any time soon, let your partner know. If you haven’t had the ‘future’ talk yet, now is the time to have it. If you guys don’t see each other together, and you know it’s not going to work, and you stick together. Then you’ll know it’s for some other personal and gainful reasons. Don’t keep that ring on your finger like he has already married you, you are not Lord of the Rings! Get real now!!

Can a long term relationship work? Of course, it can. Just like a long distance relationship also can. But there’s a similarity both of them have, there must be a certain time their phase ends. Until then, the couple must do well to happily manage their situation until things get much better.

“The lack of seriousness amongst many youths in relationships today is because of their lack of preparedness of what the future entails”

When it comes to relationships, I always say “Good luck! You’ll be needing it, if you don’t like knowledge, or the truth.”

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Victory Odunjo

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Victory Odunjo

I'm a people person that simply wants to add value, and inspire others..

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38 thoughts on “You Will Marry Who You Date Closest To Your Wedding”

  1. I feel the most important stage of every relationship is at the foundation when the fresh guy is still trying to prove Mr perfect for the beautiful damsel and she finally agrees to go out with him. At this stage the vision and goals of the relationship should be discussed, it takes less than 5mins discussion to know a serious person. And you have to know the reason for entering in to a relationship, and you check the circumstances before u say I do. A friend of mine left his perfect girl friend after 5months because she lacked prudence,narrow minded, and vision.so let not be enticed by the physical characteristics, even character too it’s good but it’s always more than that. I will rest my case for now

    1. Big point you have made there Trillion.. It’s important to mention the vision and goals at the very start! The reason is just as important, and physical characteristics are not just all that should meet the eye! Deep 🙂

  2. This is revealing, mind blowing post! Youths nowadays have turned relationships to garbage in and garbage out or there are many fishes in the river or soldier come soldier go barracks will stand or the popular “God said”; not that God didn’t say so but there re lot of things to do in the physical to make a relationship work. I must commend you sir for opening our eyes to see this from another perspective. God bless you Sir

  3. its a wonderful write up. I would just add that love is not a feeling,it is a COMMITTMENT irrespective of feelings.So if people are committed even if it takes 6 years they would see lifes challenges through and eventually get married. its not a constant that its the person available at the point of readiness. it is a function of commitment and choice of the individual because if he/she doesnt meet your requirements you have to move on.

    1. Ooooh tell them Uche!! It’s not just butterflies in your tummy.. Butterflies don’t live forever, and they have a shorter life span too. I agree totally. Thanks

  4. Wonderful post, we all should take our time, marriage is forever, for better or worse, till death do us part. Easy said than done, God help us!

  5. Well written piece. I do wish people, especially Christians value their relationships and not jump in and out.

    1. You are right Tolu.. People have gotten so used to giving up and quitting so easily. That is just not good enough

  6. This is so true! I’m glad I read this! It is not easy, being with someone from a different background and upbringing as yourself. Many variables will be at play. It is wise to continue to study each other even after the chasing and agreement phase, or initial gra gra, because that’s where the real person is.
    There’s no perfect relationship, but there has to be continued effort to strive towards perfection, on the part of both parties. Thanks dear, for this post.

    1. I’m glad you read this as well.. Different backgrounds is a huge task to deal with sometimes. Time is our best ally every time! Yes oo, we must strive continually for perfection, we and our partners. Thanks Oge!

  7. It’s only logical that you get married to whom you date closest to your marriage.
    Great write up though.
    I agree with u sir, don’t date someone you have no intention of getting married to.

  8. brilliant write-up , I have to say.
    But then, it’s also not always this straightforward.

    1. Too many vagaries? Yes …but You don’t know which relationship you’d enter that could last the long term. If you find the RIGHT person and you both are still a long way from marriage, I think there’s no harm in starting.

    2. I think a distinction should be made based on gender.
    it is far easier for a guy to stay till ‘close-to-when-I’m ready’ than for a lady.

    Ladies already have a time ‘constrain’ as against the limitlessness for the guy.
    while you’d marry the person closest to your readiness, you simply cant afford to settle for dross. You’d be out just as quickly as you went into marriage.

    1. Thanks Bisi! Of course.. There are too many variables. Yeah, there is truly no harm in starting, I know many long terms relationships that are doing very well.

      Well said, I agree. It’s why I said time is ones best ally. But from experience, many people just settle for dross. With wisdom and God’s leading, things would end up just right.

  9. brilliantly spoken Mr victory. pls @ bisi, but I thought God was the author of Time? why then rush into relationships dat wud mk things change in our life’s nd cause regrets at some point? I see every relationship as a pointer to marriage nd no rush should b attached, to someone you’re gonna spend ur whole life wif….
    aii cheers#

    1. God is surely the author of time ..Times like Climateric and Menopause. He created them all … everything is beautiful in its Time.
      I didn’t suggest rushing into a relationship ..and certainly not rushing into a relationship that causes regret.
      it’s why I wrote RIGHT in upper case ( right in walk with God, right in vision, right for you. .)

      If you’re in a godly relationship, you ‘shouldn’t’ have regrets (no secret sins, no untoward expectations)…so much even if you don’t end up marrying her(we can think of a few reasons), you both have peace cos you were godly.

      And I totally agree with you about all relationships as a pointer to marriage.
      Cheers sir

  10. Nice one. Most times, desires and perspectives are polished over time and after several diverse experiences. This accounts to the upgrades or switches in the choices of persons. A friend now might not suit being same after five years as this happens to be the case most times. Let’s be sure we have the end at heart in our choices as Dr. Edward Banfield (havard university)says; ”most people who achieve success in life was as a result of LONG TERM PERSPECTIVE attribute”. It covers relationship too. Thanks for the piece.

  11. I just read this for the second time.Funny part @ “lord of the rings”.Seriously though,looking at this issue without any bias,its actually true.I think the long term rltnshps are an exception though.It takes the grace of God to sustain it.Wonderful insight on this ‘critical’ issue though.Keep it up.

    1. Thanks Sewa! Please read the article as many times as you want o.. It doesn’t disappear. “Lord of the Rings” cracks me up every time. I agree with you 🙂

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