“I love him so much” she says. “I don’t usually use the word love, but with her, it comes so freely,” he says. Awww… Love is such a beautiful thing, isn’t it? It is fun to see how people in a short span of time grow together to be very close. After a while, they are closely knitted together and then they live happily ever after. It’s so easy.. Ehrrr I don’t think so! Not all the time 🙂 .
I was in a meeting with youths recently, and we were all discussing relationships and then I asked a quick question: “Is there anyone here that hasn’t been in a relationship before?” Silence engulfed the room. So I said, “Put your hands up if you’ve not dated anyone before.” No hands went up. I smiled because I know the path our generation is on. If you are not in a relationship or if you’ve not been in one before, you are surely an outcast. The pressure on you to at least have a peek into what a relationship is like is almost deafening. I still know a couple of people that haven’t been in a relationship yet by choice. But so many people just take the plunge!
A friend of mine once said two interesting things about relationships, generally:
“People not in relationships want to get into relationships, meanwhile those in it want to get out of it”
“You’ll never know how deep a relationship is going to be if you are not in it. It’s like looking down the deep end of a swimming pool. The bottom seems so close until you jump into it is when you realize it takes a lot to stay afloat!”
We have seen too many lovely relationships end, even those of our mentors and those who we were being inspired by! Of course, there are many relationships killers and destroyers, some huge, and some subtle. But this post is just about one reason that I have seen over time, that has cost many relationships. I remember seeing one funny photo, the lady said: “My ex-boyfriend is getting married in a few weeks time.” Someone replied to her and said “Congrats, at least you got to the semifinals” Hahaha! So it’s a competition now, to find out who eventually makes it to the finals. As funny as it may sound, it’s pretty true. The way things are now, people end up dating as many as eight people before finally settling down with the one they have. Did you notice I said with the one they have? It wasn’t a mistake. Let me explain.
You will marry who you date closest to your wedding, simply because the farther you both are from the reality of the wedding, the less a reality your future of being together is going to be. Imagine 18 year-olds dating each other, they want to get married someday. But fast forward to the future, it’s at age 28 that the guy intends to get married. The possibility of them getting married and spending their lives together if they start dating at 18 is too low. Too many variables and uncertainties have not even played out yet. Things would happen that would put them apart. 10 years is huge!
So at the end of the day, it’s the person that you love when the time to settle down comes, that you would end up marrying. Regardless of how long you have spent in the relationship, even if its 6 months. The person must be there when you are ready to walk down the aisle. Some people even loved their ex(es) more than their spouse, but their spouse was the one available. Take it or leave it. Love can be built, it can be fed, and it can grow. In this life, there is no guarantee that the person of your fantasy or dreams, is the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
So what should you do with this piece of information? Simple, take it slow, take your time. Estimate your position, what phase are you in? Are you in a relationship with someone already? Check! Is marriage feasible any time soon? Are you in the quarterfinals? Would the person you are with still date one or two more people before marriage? Or will you make it to the altar? Yeah, I know you are in love with the person, but that’s how you loved the person before this one too, remember? Your relationship has to be time-bound, specific and realistic. I’m speaking like this because very few people can steer their relationships for a very long while. I have heard of people who dated for almost 10 years, and are happily married today. Don’t say you are the exception, what if you are not?
“Don’t stay in a relationship that won’t work, would keep you chained, and would only release you when all the best prospects have passed by.”
People ask when the right age to start a relationship is. I believe that time shouldn’t be when you are not getting set to be married soon. Don’t keep breaking hearts and grabbing new ones because you can’t just be single. Your being single could just be the best benefit for you and society. If you’re not ready for marriage any time soon, let your partner know. If you haven’t had the ‘future’ talk yet, now is the time to have it. If you guys don’t see each other together, and you know it’s not going to work, and you stick together, then you’ll know it’s for some other personal and gainful reasons.
Don’t keep that ring on your finger as if he has already married you, you are not Lord of the Rings! Get real now!!
Can a long term relationship work? Of course, it can. Just like a long distance relationship also can. But there’s a similarity both of them have, there must be a certain time their phase ends. Until then, the couple must do well to happily manage their situation until things get much better.
“The lack of seriousness amongst many youths in relationships today is because of their lack of preparedness of what the future entails”
When it comes to relationships, I always say “Good luck! You’ll be needing it if you don’t like knowledge or the truth.”
Thanks for taking the time to read!
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